My Elephant Words story for this week. Please feel free to comment on the Elephant Words website, as feedback is always very welcome!
It’s a good, strong dialogue piece on a subject that of course reverberates with your own personal experiences. I like the early mention of theatre alongside the ‘show’ of the church.
I’d say that the woman has little to say and that her questions could exist within his own internal monologue and don’t act as a big opposing force.
“then just imagine what a peak behind the curtain” - the word is ‘peek’, but it’s just a typo.
I don’t quite understand this part of sentence towards the end of the work “you start out believing that you’re called of God and doing the right thing”. Is the phrase ‘you’re called of God’ something I’m just not familiar with?
Overall, enjoyed the piece. Of course. ;)
I have corrected said typo. I’m tired and didn’t bother proof reading.
Yes, the woman doesn’t have much to say, but as I posted earlier, as an internal monologue (a style that I often use on EW) it was coming across as far too harsh. It was just an opinion piece, just a rant, and so really didn’t work at all. Turning it from a monologue into a dialogue just softened its impact slightly, for me, and also made the ending feel a little more poignant.
As for being “called of God”…yes, I guess that’s a phrase you’re not familiar with, but it’s essentially synonymous with “called by God.”